Last night I drug Joe into Hobby Lobby with me and the boys while the girls were at Gymnastics. I was looking for Easter things when I saw a package of eggs. One was gold and one was silver. I mentioned to Joe that we should get them and fill the gold egg with $3 and the silver egg with $1 and hide them with the other hunting eggs. He said that sounded fine as long as we had a gold and a silver egg for each of the kids to find. I said, "that's not how the golden egg works." He went on and on about how it would be unfair for one of the girls to find the egg with $3 and the other to get only $1. Or even worse, if one of the girls found both eggs how it would ultimately end in tears for everyone else.
My response to all that was "that's just life though." To which he responded with a laugh, "Yes, but I'm not teaching any life lessons on Easter."
It made me think about a conversation we had with friends on Sunday night. We were talking about our families and discussing "fairness." In one freiends family, things were extremely fair. Everyone got two pieces of pizza, everyone got a candy bar even if it meant sending one through the mail. Things were divided and even and fair. In the other family though, things were just the opposite. If someone wasn't at dinner, they didn't get dinner saved for them. Even if that someone was the mom who made the dinner and had to nurse a newborn baby at dinnertime. "Fair" didn't exist in that family.
So, it's left me thinking. Where do I fall on the fairness spectrum? I tend to keep things even steven between the girls. I try to at least. They usually get the same gifts at Christmas. If I buy a lunchable for Gwen to eat while we're grocery shopping, I'll grab one to put in Gabs' lunch the next day. They both go to bed at the same time even though Gabriella is older and probably doesn't need to go to bed that early. They both do gymnastics even though Gwen's is more of free play and less gymnastic based. Maybe it's because I'm a twin, but I try really hard to keep things equal.
But at the same time, they are not the same. And I can't control how "life" goes. Gabs is in Kindergarten and gets invited to parties that Gwen doesn't get to go to. Gwen is in preschool and gets playdates with friends almost every week. Life just isn't fair. Life can not be even, no matter how hard I try to make it that way.
I tend to think I have to let my children learn from an early age that things won't be fair all the time. That they will come across things that down right stink and they will have to deal with those things all through their life. Challenges will arise and hardships will come. Why then, am I so bent on making things fair for them.
I'm confused about it all. I don't know where I stand. A lot of deep thoughts arose from some silly plastic eggs. But I do know that I left the store with one gold egg and one silver egg. I don't know if I'm putting $3 in one and $1 in the other, or if they will be filled with the same amount. All I know is that I'm hoping Henry finds them both, because life lessons on Easter would be the pits.
PS. If one were to have a baby boy who's hair was a constant topic of conversation, would one cut baby boys hair, or would one ignore everyone and let baby boy and his hair be wild and free. Hypothetically speaking of course.
7 comments:
I miss you and your adorable children. :) And I would leave that marvelous hair alone until I was good and ready to cut it. He is such a doll!
I would leave the hair... and my husband would cut it in a heart beat.
I am probably now going to non-stop think about this fairness question. Hmmm. I think I lean more towards life is tough. But... I know I have discovered I am much more of a sucker for giving my kids whatever they want when they want it than I EVER thought I would be... so I don't know. We'll see when Ginny gets older and the reality of this question comes more into play.
I kept the girls a lot of times as equal. Yes buying 2 of things also, and keeping lots of things the same for both. But as of late, I have noticed that changing a bit. Kylee is definitely getting the later bed time, and Kobi is learning now that she doesn't always get what Kylee gets. It is a "growing" lesson that we are now trying to teach them both. Not that we really would have changed what we did in the past, but sometimes being the same, or equal just simplified things. But you are right, or someone is...life isn't equal, or fair, or the same, and I would rather they learn that lesson at home with us, and be prepared for it when it happens in the real world.
Oh, I just love your posts Jamie. They make me smile. Just what I needed.
And... I am one who believes in being equal too.
Laughing so hard about this, because when Ava was 18 mo. old and we hit $1.00 in two different eggs - which were both found by the boys - shaken - and then they said "These are empty, Ava can have them." And proceeded to put them in Ava's bucket. You can imagine the looks Derek and I gave one another and the tears that fell when they realized they had just given money away. It was hard for Derek and I to laugh. Needless to say, from then on, if an egg doesn't make a sound - they don't give that one away any more. It was an lesson learned. Miss you.
Hmmm... I'm sometimes fair, but mostly not. "that's just the way it is" I say. Some of my kids are ok with it, and some not. It is a hard lesson for sure.
As for a haircut, I'm all for it. I always thought it made my boys look more like a miniature of Daddy, which I loved. But the fun thing about being the mom is that you get to decide!
My kids are often hearing that "life is not fair" and it is one of those hard lessons to teach because we do want it to be fair for our kids.
I would say that one should leave the wild hair. I still get comments on Cannon's hair, but he loves it so I don't care (very much) about what other people say.
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