Little Children

I think I was with my sister in law when she said something to the effect, that as parents, we only know our children as children for a few short years. The rest of the time we spend knowing them as adults. It has really stuck with me, because I suppose I had never looked at it this way before. I figure because my children will always be mine, then they will always be children. But the truth is, they are growing closer to being an adult everyday. Which means, I sadly realized, they are growing further and further away from being children. (Did anyone follow that, because I just read it again, and I'm not sure I even followed..and I wrote it!)

What I have been left thinking about is how quickly we are all going through life. How all too soon, my babies will be all grown up and moving along at lightening speed in every direction imaginable. How very shortly the children I have will no longer be "children." I sometimes wish I were in The Truman Show and someone was recording my life for me, so I could always look back and see my babies.

Right now, I want to remember Henry's stick straight blonde hair, and the one dimple over his right cheek. I want to remember his hysterical laugh when he is getting tickled. And the "fake laugh" he does when other kids are laughing and he wants to be like them. I want to remember the way he asks for "mo milk" and how he can't go to sleep without his blanket and Mickey Mouse. His favorite movie right now is Tangled. He could watch it 7 times in a row and never get tired of pretending to lift lanterns into the air. I want to remember the way he snuggles in my arms when we read stories and how his hair smells of sweat and watermelon shampoo. I will remember his obsession with cars and how he doesn't let anyone ride on his John Deer tractor.

I suppose I will remember all those things. But I'm just afraid no matter what I do I'll get wrapped up in life and forget to enjoy all those things every second. I go to bed at night sometimes thinking over my day and kicking myself for not playing more with my kids, or talking to them as much as I think I should. I'm here doing everything for them, every second. They are right here with me every second of the day. But still, I feel guilty about something every night. I pray to do better. I pray to enjoy the journey and enjoy these precious years. I know they will be gone all too soon. I wish I knew a better way to stay focused on all the important things and forget about everything that doesn't matter. And above all, I wish that my children could comprehend even a fraction of my love for them. I don't think they have any idea the enormity of my love for them. I promise children, I love you more than tongue can tell.