It's Not Fair

Growing up I was lucky enough to have my twin sister to do everything with. We had the same friends, played on the same teams, and went everywhere together. Where she went, I went. Where I went, she went. We were a package deal. No one even expected to see us separate.

I remember the first time we weren't both included though. We were in fourth or fifth grade and Bryn was invited to Knott's Scary Farm with a friend. Not both of us. Just Bryn. I remember being devastated. It was like a dagger had stabbed me in the heart. For the first time we weren't equal. A friend had chosen, and they had chosen Bryn. It was horrible.

So Bryn got to go to Knott's Scary Farm and sleep over at my use to be friend's house. If I remember correctly, my mom was out of town and couldn't believe that my dad allowed Bryn to go without me. I mean what kind of friend splits up twins? It's unthinkable! I'm pretty sure my mom was ticked off enough that she insisted my dad do something with me so I wouldn't feel so bad. He took me to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. Woo-hoo (no offense dad, but a fourth grader with her dad...not so cool).

But then, when we were in high school, I was asked out on a date. This wasn't a typical, ordinary high school date. This was a date to LA to go see Phantom of the Opera. I was so excited. And this time, Bryn was left out. Again, my mom felt horrible that one of us was getting to do something great without the other. So, Bryn got to go to Arizona to visit my sister for the weekend. By the way, that was a way better consolation prize mom.

But, I understand now. It broke my moms heart to see us not get the same things. I understand that now, because my heart gets broken when it happens to my girls.

Gabs and Gwen are the best of friends. But Gabriella is older and she has other friends too. She gets to go to preschool and on play dates. Just in the month of March, she went to four birthday parties. We had to tell Gwen each time, that just Gabs got to go. Gwen knew the friends having the party, she thinks they're best friends too. But she's two and of course she wasn't invited. It killed me each time.

We often have play dates at the very homes that Gabs goes to preschool. Gwen just cries in the car when we drop Gabriella off for preschool because she wants to go too. She gets to play at those homes, but doesn't get to go to preschool there. It just doesn't make sense to her. I feel awful each time she has to say good bye to Gabs. I know she is so confused and hurt by it all. Just the other day we went to sign Gabriella up for preschool for next year, and poor Gwen thought the whole time that it was her school too. I broke her heart again when I told her it was only for Gabriella this time.

So, like my mom, I too try to find ways to make Gwen feel better. It's hard for a mother to see how unfair it is. We try to have as many play dates here, so Gwen is included too. I buy her a bag of marshmallows to eat while we're at the super market. Or I'll ask for a few extra suckers at the bank for her to eat. We'll stop in at the local children's museum during Gabriella's preschool. Or we'll drink a few mugs of hot chocolate at home while playing Pet shops together. But, I admit, it all seems like sloppy seconds. I know she would rather be doing what Gabriella gets to do.

We have a rule in our house that no one is allowed to say, "it's not fair." We just don't say it about anything. Who gets to do something first, who gets what color plate, who has to pick certain toys up. Those three words are not allowed to be spoken in our home.

But I can type it. It's not fair.

These two little girls are so close. They love each other and are dear friends. I wish they could have the same exact things. I wish they could do everything together. I wish everything could be equal and fair.

But it's not. It's not fair at all.