Stuck In The Middle

The other night, just before we were about to say our family prayers, I walked into the girls room and found Gabs giving Gwen the biggest, sweetest hug. Gabs had been at school all week long and I think she genuinely misses her sister when she's gone for 8 hours a day. When I walked into the room, Gabs said, "Mom, I want to tell you something, but I don't want you to get mad." I asked what it was. She replied, "At first I didn't like her, but now I'm really starting to like her." I looked at Gwen wondering if it was her sister Gabs was referring as the "her" she was beginning to like. And sure enough, Gwen was smiling from ear to ear and said, "She really likes me now."

The news of her sister liking her made Gwen beam. She wants so badly to be liked and be a good friend and sister. Sometimes I worry about her. She's in the middle right now. She not old enough for some things like Gabs is...like that booster seat she so desperately wants to sit in. And yet, she's not young enough to get carried around all day like Henry, because I only have one set of arms and a belly that's barely allowing room for him. Sometimes I'm afraid she gets jipped. And more than that, sometimes I'm afraid she's aware of it. No matter how incredibly hard I try to keep things even steven over here, I think she feels stuck in the middle right now.

A few weeks ago she was making a welcome banner for her grandparents coming for a visit to our house. When she showed it to me, she told me who was in the picture. She explained that it was a picture of our family. She said, "This is you mommy. And this is me." When I asked here about the rest of the family, who was all present and accounted for that day, she said, "Daddy is at work, and Gabs is at school, and Henry is sleeping." All I could think was she is starving for one on one time with me.

I can remember when I was pregnant with Gwen and worrying mostly about Gabs and having to now split my time with her and a new baby. At a baby shower my friends threw for me, everyone went around and was giving advice for being the mom of two. I honestly have no idea what they said, I wish I would have written it down. But I do remember what one of my good friends said. A friend who I only dream of being like as a mom. But what she said I have never forgot. She said something like, you can't let yourself feel guilty about the time you spend with each of your children, they all get their turn to be the oldest.

I know what she means now. For 5 days a week, eight hours a day, Gwen is queen of the house. She is the oldest, and is loving every minute of it. I was worried about her when Gabriella went off to school for such long days, but I think Gwen is pleased as punch to have her big sister away and gone for some of her day. Don't get me wrong, they love each other and she is constantly asking if Gabs is home from school yet, but I know she sees a difference. And she is enjoying the difference.

I am enjoying the difference too. I have been able to give her the attention that I usually have to divide between her and Gabs. Gwen loves to play games and we have played them daily. She also loves to sit at the table, for hours, and draw, create, cut, craft, paint, etc. and I have been able to sit with her and spend some time doing those things with just her. But the biggest difference I have noticed is our conversations. I told Joe the other night that I don't think Gwen stopped talking for 6 hours straight. She was a motor mouth. She just talked and talked and talked. And she wasn't getting interrupted or talked over. She had so much to say and I was able to hear every. single. word. of it. It was wonderful to hear. But then I had to turn a movie on for her because I was exhausted. Happily exhausted, but exhausted.

But because I was so concerned for Gwen and being without her sister, I decided that I would get her into preschool three days a week. She started today. To say she was excited would not accurately describe her feelings about it finally being her turn to go to school. About her turn to get a father's blessing from Joe. About her turn to wear a backpack. About her turn to wear her new school clothes. She could hardly sit still. I'm really happy for her. She's going to love it.

Now, for a few short hours, I get to enjoy Henry as being the oldest. This is definitely a first. And you know what I like to do with a 18 month old when they are the oldest? Put them down for a nap and enjoy a quiet house in the middle of the day for the first time in years! I'm totally unearthing the container of frosting I've kept hidden to celebrate this momentous day!